Three Things I Want Every Young Person to Know About Love, Sex, and Responsibility

What would your mother say if she had only five minutes to talk to you about sex, pregnancy, and responsibility?

When I was about fifteen years old—and my brother was sixteen—our mother called us for one of those talks we never forget.

She went straight to the point.

“Cássio and Charlles, you are old enough to become fathers. Do you understand that?”

We nodded.

“Then I want you to understand something. If one of you gets a girl pregnant, you will be responsible for what happens. You will have to face the consequences and take care of the child and the mother.”

She paused.

Then she asked:

“Do we understand each other?”

We nodded again.

We knew that when our mother spoke seriously, her word was worth more than gold.

Then she finished:

“Okay. We have a deal. You can go now.”

We left the room quietly.

We knew she was serious.

There was no long speech.

There was no complicated explanation.

Just a few clear words.

And we never forgot them.

WHY DID MY MOTHER TALK TO US LIKE THAT?

The year was 1985.

My father had died three years before.

My mother needed to leave home to work and support our family. Because of that, my brother and I spent a lot of time without her.

And when parents are not around, young people often learn a lot from other young people.

Some can be good examples.

Others cannot.

My mother knew this.

So, from time to time, she gave us short lessons about life.

She taught us to say “No” clearly and firmly when someone offered us drugs.

She taught us to take responsibility when we got into trouble.

She taught us to face our problems instead of running away from them.

Those short conversations helped me many times.

I am very thankful to her for that.

And now I want to have one of those conversations with you.

Maybe you have a father who is not present in your life.

Maybe you have a good relationship with your father.

Maybe your situation is different.

Whatever your situation is, I want to tell you something that I believe every young person should know before making important decisions.

There are three truths I want you to think about.

TRUTH #1: SEX CAN LEAD TO PREGNANCY

Let's start with something simple.

Sex can lead to pregnancy.

When a young man and a young woman have sex, a new life can begin.

This may sound very simple.

But sometimes young people receive a lot of information about sex without receiving enough information about responsibility.

At school, for example, people may talk about ways to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.

That information is important.

But sex education is about much more than that.

It is also about emotions.

It is about respect.

It is about love.

And it is about responsibility.

We adults have a serious responsibility to talk clearly about these things.

And young people also have the right to hear the truth.

A CONVERSATION WITH A NEW FATHER

One day, I was talking to a friend who had become a father a few months before.

He was looking at his little daughter and thinking about the future.

He said something like:

“Man, life is strange. You take care of a baby, then she becomes a little girl, and one day she becomes a woman. Then some young man comes along and wants to date your daughter!”

He did not like that idea very much.

I understood him.

A father wants to protect his daughter.

So I asked him:

“You understand that your daughter will grow up one day, right?”

“Yes.”

“One day she may fall in love?”

“Yes.”

“She may get married?”

“Yes.”

“And one day she may have a family of her own?”

He became quiet.

Then I said:

“Think about it. Your daughter will one day be an adult. She will have her own life and make her own decisions.”

He understood.

Then I made another point:

“You also have a wife. You love each other. One day your daughter may have this kind of relationship with her husband too.”

He looked at me.

I continued:

“Your parents had a relationship too. That relationship gave you the opportunity to be born. You are here because two people before you started a family.”

He became more relaxed.

The problem was not love.

The problem was his fear of seeing his little girl grow up.

And that is an important difference.

Love and intimacy between two adults are a natural part of life.

But everything has its right time.

You do not need to hurry because you have strong feelings.

You do not need to prove your love through sex.

And nobody should pressure you by saying:

“If you really love me, you will do this.”

Real love can wait.

TRUTH #2: TV AND THE INTERNET DO NOT ALWAYS TELL YOU THE TRUTH

Have you ever seen something online so many times that you started to think:

“Everybody does this.”

Be careful.

Something can look normal simply because we see it everywhere.

Movies can do this.

Music can do this.

Television can do this.

Social media can do this.

Advertising can do this.

But something is not necessarily good just because it is popular.

Think about Carnival.

During Carnival, you may see a message like:

“Be responsible. Use a condom.”

At first, this sounds like a responsible message.

But there may be another message behind it:

“Everybody is having fun. Everybody is having sex. You should do it too.”

But wait.

Do you really have to?

Of course not.

You have other choices.

You can enjoy the holiday and rest.

You can stay home with your family.

You can spend time with your friends.

You can travel.

You can play sports.

You can watch movies.

You can read.

You can take part in a church activity.

You can go to a religious retreat.

You can meet new people.

You can have fun.

And you can say no to something you are not ready for.

That is also freedom.

ASK THE QUESTION NOBODY IS ASKING

When you see a message online, do not ask only:

“Is this popular?”

Ask:

“Is this good for me?”

And before making an important decision, ask another question:

“WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?”

Not only:

“Will this be fun?”

Not only:

“Will my boyfriend or girlfriend like me?”

Ask:

“What happens tomorrow?”

And next month?

And next year?

Some decisions take only a few minutes, but they can have consequences for many years.

Pregnancy is one example.

A baby is not a temporary event.

A baby is a person.

A baby needs care every day.

A baby needs love every day.

A baby needs responsible adults.

That is why a decision about sex can become a decision about much more than sex.

It can become a decision about another human being's life.

TRUTH #3: CREATING A NEW LIFE IS A LIFE-LONG RESPONSIBILITY

My wife and I had four children.

Our youngest daughter died when she was nine years old.

When people hear this, they usually ask:

“I'm sorry to ask, but what happened to her?”

I understand the question.

People are naturally curious about how someone leaves this world.

Because I wrote a book about my daughter, I usually tell people that, if they want to know more, they can read the book.

I have already lived through that experience.

It took me a long time to understand my feelings and give a new meaning to what happened.

Sometimes I ask:

“Do you know the last thing my daughter did before she died?”

Usually, the person answers:

“No. What did she do?”

And I answer:

“She lived.”

She lived for nine years.

She laughed.

She played.

She learned.

She loved.

She was part of our family.

Her life had value.

Then I usually say:

“I think you will like the book. It also has many happy chapters.”

This experience taught me something important.

We often think very carefully about the end of life.

But we do not always think with the same care about the beginning of life.

When a baby is born, a person has entered the world.

And that person needs people who are ready to take care of them.

DON'T THINK ONLY ABOUT TODAY

Today, the boy from the beginning of this story is 57 years old.

He is now a grandfather.

Life goes by very quickly.

My wife and I have also had many difficult days.

Marriage is not always easy.

Raising children is not always easy.

Being a parent is not always easy.

But our family has also brought us many beautiful moments.

So I want to tell you something directly:

You do not need to hurry.

You do not need to have sex because your friends are doing it.

You do not need to have sex to prove that you love someone.

You do not need to hear:

“If you love me, you will do this.”

Love does not need pressure.

Love knows how to respect limits.

Love knows how to wait.

And love knows how to think about the future.

Everything has its right time.

ONE DECISION CAN AFFECT MANY LIVES

Imagine that a young woman becomes pregnant.

Her life can change very quickly.

She may need to think about school, work, family, money, emotions, and many other problems.

The young man may stay by her side and help.

Or he may leave.

Even if he has a legal responsibility to help financially, money does not solve everything.

A baby needs much more than money.

A baby needs time.

A baby needs attention.

A baby needs care.

A baby needs love.

And the young parents may not be ready for all of this.

That is why thinking before making a decision is so important.

And this is true for boys and girls.

A boy can become a father.

A girl can become a mother.

Both can have their lives changed.

Both can face difficult responsibilities.

Both need good information before making important decisions.

I WOKE UP AT 3 A.M. TO WRITE THIS

I want you to know something.

I did not write this article to judge you.

I wrote it because I care about your future.

In fact, I woke up at three o'clock in the morning because I was thinking about you.

I was thinking about young people who may be making important decisions without enough information.

I was thinking about the short conversations my mother had with my brother and me many years ago.

She did not need many words.

But she gave us something very important:

a clear picture of responsibility.

And now I want to give you a similar message.

Before you make an important decision, stop.

Think.

Look ahead.

Ask yourself:

“What happens next?”

Because you have a whole life ahead of you.

There is no need to hurry.

LOVE IS BEAUTIFUL. WISDOM IS IMPORTANT.

You may meet someone and feel something very strong.

You may think:

“This is the person I will love forever.”

Maybe it is.

But maybe it is not.

People change.

Relationships change.

Life changes.

I have also had very strong feelings many times in my life.

And I learned something:

A very strong feeling today does not always tell us what will happen tomorrow.

So when you feel a strong emotion, do not be afraid of it.

Enjoy the friendship.

Enjoy getting to know that person.

Learn to respect each other.

Talk.

Laugh.

Dream about the future.

But do not let one moment decide your whole future.

Stop.

Think.

Look ahead.

And remember:

Real love can wait.

When the right time comes, you will have time to build a life with the person you choose.

Marriage is more than two people living together.

It is the beginning of building something bigger than the couple.

A strong family can bring incredible happiness.

Of course, families also have difficult days.

That is part of life.

But starting a family without being ready can bring very serious problems.

So before making a decision that can create a new life, ask yourself one last question:

“AM I READY FOR WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?”

You have a whole life ahead of you.

There is no need to hurry.

**Love is beautiful.

But love also needs wisdom.**

And when a new life is possible,

responsibility must come with it.

Make choices today that your future self will be thankful for.